one pm, just woke up. because i could not sleep for more than an hour without being woken up by a series of bad dreams. not your standard fear- or panic-based nightmares, these were based on my real life, centered around ordinary events, and generally did their best to fake me into believing that I really had misplaced my ticket and I was going to miss the plane, so hurry! jesus! what are you doing in bed? - a couple of times i made it as far as the bathroom before realizing i was a moron and my only responsibility was to collect a little more sleep.
but usually i would just drift far enough up out of a dream to end it, then lie in bed half-awake and terrified / frustrated / torn to bits by guilt. it wasn't always about airplanes but it was always man did you ever FUCK IT UP. over and over. heart going nuts.
maybe this was payment for the dream where we were going to watch a space movie in space at the big new space theater. the screen was enormous because it could be as big as it wanted because of, uh, no gravity i guess. it was kind of chilly so i went back to the car to get my jacket and that was fun because i was very good at swimming in space. when i got back to my seat, the guy behind me leaned up and said, "look at all these kids. the dream programmer forgot to give them lines! where are all my screaming kids?" it was true, the place was full of hundreds of kids but none of them were saying a word. i said, shut up! do you want to ruin it? he went away and i did not wake up for a while. the space movie was good.
