That fucking fishpond. It's so pretty and I'm trying not to hate it. But it causes trouble. Every moron who bumbles down to this end of the courtyard has to SAY something about it. If they were talking quietly to the fish or something I'd probably be ok with it. But it's always "Hey look, fishies!" yelled real loud at about 5 am. How fucking dumb is that. Yeah. They're fish. It's like at work when I've dumped fifty granola bars on a table and every single day some teacher walks past me and says SNACK TIME, or HEY LOOK, GRANOLA BARS, or, my favorite for hating, simply YUM. I understand that's just small talk. But what's wrong with Hello?
20 minutes before my alarm would have gone off this morning, this woman down in the courtyard was explaining a fishpond to her child, by yelling about it. WATER. WATER. WAAAAAA TER. THAT'S WATER! She was getting louder and louder about it, frustrated maybe that her infant was not responding intelligently and I wanted to open the window and yell down to her that her kid was probably not deaf but he was probably working on it and could she shut up. But then she shut up.
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Yesterday Olivia, who is four and knows most of the words to Baby Got Back, made up a song called I Am a Citizen and I Have to Tinkle.
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I placed a couple of pen pal ads on the web, because I (still) maintain that there are a handful of people out there who are interesting enough to write to, but mostly because I (still) love me some morons. Today brought me an email of "hi, i want to take you as my pal for ever and ever" (that's the whole thing. no details, no name). And another whose subject line was "taste my friendship" and which requested I send him a massage (just poor English, not naughtiness).
Yesterday I got the winner so far - a twelve-page rant on the mistreatment of American Muslims. Page one starts with the author's experience on September 11th, including the reprehensible question asked by his boss: "Are you one of those people?" - meaning terrorists. I was in this guy's corner for about thirty seconds until it became clear that he's an insane hate dervish who cannot be stopped. It was twelve pages of how much everything, but mostly America, sucks, including Abraham Lincoln (I'm wrong to like him) and American women (whores). His handwriting grows impressively scrawly - he must have written it all in one crazed spiteful sitting. Envelope covered in smily-face stickers.
"Arab dictators, despotic kings and Muslim corrupted leaders as well as Al Qaida to stage attacks so as to provide the propoganda for WAR and of course a military industrial complex that no nation wants to stand up to except IRAN - NORTH KOREA - CHINA but even they are asleep for us while we lay at the mercy of state terrorism. We await a great leader from Arabia to come back with an army and will also gather more forces just as in DUNE and we pray for him and Jesus daily to return to save us from both the staged individual terrorism / state terrorism.Take care,
Your friend,
S.P.S. If you write back then you are truly open minded."
