It’s a nice neighborhood. We live one block from a church and an elementary school, two blocks from a grocery store and another church. People of at least four races live side-by-side, from babies to old ladies, and everybody has cats and dogs. People improve their houses and take care of their gardens and have sweet little hokey shit like lawn statues and house flags. People noticed when we moved in and they said hello. The mail lady waves from her truck. Friendly cops drift idly by. Neighbors nod at each other across driveways. It’s all very civilized and Sesame Street because everyone knows how to behave, except for the ones who don’t, who are really fucking it up for me.
You know what I wish? I wish it were legal to carry a fucking pistol around, so when the construction worker (seriously. dude. you’re embarassing all of us.) is all like HEY HAW BABY A HUH HUH YOU WANNA? YOU WANT SOME YOU WANNA YOU WANNA??? fucking luigi idiot bullshit stereotype greasy asshole douche, I could march across the street and put the muzzle to his head and just start fucking screaming. This is what I FEEL LIKE when I go for a walk around my block. I guess it is good for my heart rate but jesus christ!
One dude is not even the issue. It’s that I dealt with that guy by sternly ignoring, because what else could I do, seriously, should I yell FUCK OFF across the street or is that asking to be raped then & there? God yes I would like to yell, but every situation has its own secluded street or lack of other people or overhanging trees to consider, and is yelling at him worth the risk? I guess it isn’t because I never do.
- so I ignored that one, walked away, calmed reasonably down, and there’s another one. Ignore, breathe, THEN ANOTHER ONE. Sometimes they say filthy things. Sometimes they just look at my tits and go uh-huh, MMM - seriously is there one guy out there who has ever gotten laid by the uh-huh, mmm technique? thanks for putting the word out and ruining neighborhood walks for all the women in the god damned world.
Number three followed me on his bicycle, yammering and laughing, for two blocks. In the end I only screamed at the big mean boxer to FUCK OFF BAD DOG, because that’s the kind of winner I want my neighbors to know I am.
All this in broad daylight, and within half an hour. So on average, once every ten minutes I can get myself a free dicking on the street. Super! I will buy a can of mace and then I will storm around my fucking block any time I want to, feeling it hard and powerful in my pocket like something I can use to fuck you right back.
