Spidercamp

the weirdest thing that makes perfect sense

MC Hammer's kid is dressing up as Urkel for Halloween (NO OFFENSE TO THE MAN BUT TURN OFF YOUR SOUND BEFORE YOU CLICK THAT LINK). I know this because I subscribe to Hammer's RSS feed because I like to keep up with how Hammer is doing. What.

The kid looks to be about ten so the only way this happened is if Hammer has the entire run of Family Matters on DVD. This is what I like to think.

it's so expensive because they have to boil down a thousand angels into half an ounce of shimmering holy cream

HOW EXPENSIVE IS IT, well, the checkout lady scanned the box, did a beautiful double-take and said, oh no, THAT can't be right! But it was, and it was worth it. Dudes that morning I had cried in the damn shower just because I found a spot of rash and knew exactly what it was. I didn't cry because it was all that itchy or painful, I cried because I knew it was very likely that I was about to lose the next three weeks of my life. I cannot afford to lose three weeks, I have things to DO. And the idea of that creeping relentless agony chills me. I never understood that poison ivy could be a big deal until this June, when, oh my god did I learn.

The magic is called Zanfel. It is only available at certain pharmacies, listed on the website. It is forty bucks for a tiny tube. It is brilliant. I did not die.

--

If you are the person who recently found my blog by searching for Kyle Sandek, would you please, please email me and say hello? (spidercamp at gmail) It's likely I know you. If you are (were) a kid I used to work with, um, sorry about all the bad language. I swear more than you might have thought, but I'm the same person you knew. I didn't know Kyle very well but I think about him every Thanksgiving; I calculate how old and I wonder how funny he would be now.

poison ivy medicine that starts with x? never mind

Earlier this year I read up on an over-the-counter but mostly available online topical medicine for poison ivy. People swear by the stuff but it's expensive - about $30 for a tiny bottle. Since I am asking this question you know I do not even fucking care if it costs a thousand. Does anyone know what I'm talking about? Because I can't think of the name and I'm desperate. I'm pretty sure it starts with X or Z but it's not Zanfel. The site had a section of horrible before and after photos with testimonials. Several were full-face cases, one was a boy. spidercamp at gmail. please. never mind. it was zanfel. i found the familiar part of the website.

it is a damn rabbit fiesta up in here

Oh man! The times are crazy with rabbit action at my etsy store. I'm trying to add more every day. They're so stupid and they make me happy.

I am sometimes not very public with this fact, but I'm thrilled to do custom orders for people who are nice. Sometimes I swear to god I am the only person who was raised right; prove me wrong! I really like making a specific rabbit for a specific person, in the perfect color, with the perfect stupid word on its belly or whatnot. It's fun. If you are rude or demanding I am probably just going to ignore your ass. If you are neither of those things, and you need some of this ridiculousness in your life, have at it: spidercamp at gmail.

earthquakes, for serious

Because everybody wants this song sooo much, here is Brandtson's Earthquakes and Sharks, only the download will actually work this time.

Also MC Paul Barman's I'm Frickin Awesome, which, yeah, I know, but  I don't care. That's an m4a. and Ray Lamontagne's cover of Gnarls Barkley's Crazy, which I understand is a gimmick but damn, it's also a good song.

--

In the Thai restaurant, the women next to us talked the waiter to death about the crazy concept of fried ice cream.

-I always thought if you fried it, it would melt!
-Well, the Mexicans do it.

Satisfied, they ordered it.

I'll burn this whole city down

Hi Ira, on my way out the door but wanted to post this before I forgot: since you liked Bishop Allen's Corazon, you may like the Decemberists' Valencia. It's' not the same thing, but you'll see.

oooo oooooo, oooo oooooooo

not even supposed to be typing, bad wrist, too many robots + cramped sleep. but here is one of my favorite songs of all time. chambers brothers "people get ready" never fails, when i am in a stupid brain, to shut me up in the good way, hey, you're ok, you can totally write a sentence, it's cool.

i had a hard time typing "cat separation anxiety" into google because spoons had gone to sleep on my wrist

logan says the internet is getting an inaccurate picture of the cats. ok. the truth is, this week they are cunts.

the internet is a cunt too. the internet needs to shut up. i've got a plague of wankers. if you don't like what I do, don't fucking pester me about it, i don't care. i'm tired. i can't think. whatever who cares here's some music:

$$$Clip

my favorite mutiny

demetri martin at the melbourne comedy festival (see, ira, sometimes i do not lie. i have half a dozen tracks and can't swear to this being the best one, but it's the smallest file. will post more soon.)

dear everybody who just emailed me including logan (hi logan how's it going): my bad

Ok so rapidshare sucks it. Whoops. I was only using it because for the past couple of weeks it's been the only one that frigging works at all. If you (anyone) will suggest a better alternative, I swear I will use it forever. Yousendit used to be my thing of choice but I can't get it to work. Help? In the meantime I'll be glad to email you the song if you want; it's not the best thing ever, but I like it.

earthquakes and sharks to start us off

if chupacabras ain't enough never mind. everything broken. will try again later.

--

Every day I have a new favorite. Spoons mostly does as she's told and is getting better at sleeping through the night; Moose purrs like a motorboat and kneads me gently in the bosoms. One races up and down trees in furious agile pursuit of everything, the other falls over sometimes because of his big fat ass. They clean the insides of each other's ears. Every night they gaze up like I'm the dreamiest big cat they’ve ever seen. When we ask them questions they say OW? MOW? They are both beautiful. I like to tell them I've narrowed it down to two, and keep in mind there are no losers here, you've come a long way and you're both still in the running to be my next top cat. It's so. fucking. stupid and none of us can get enough. I give them nothing but bullshit all day long and they beg for it, more, more.

--

logan: what do i have to do with the internet and tv

me: uh. what? oh. right, you heard me on the phone. well i told pete that i have three true loves: the internet and logan and the tv.

logan: aww! you love me like you love the tv?? KISSES