A long time ago I was having trouble and I decided to foster my very own private invisible revolution. It had to do with refusing to believe in writer's block (I continue to eff that noise) and learning to pinpoint the interesting in every person. I learned to twist tiny but true moments into larger, more powerful text. I decided I would do this, and it fucking worked. The world I lived in then was pretty outstanding. It's impossible to describe, and boring if you aren't me, I know.
What you need to understand is that a part of this mindset was intentionally falling for people, fictionally I mean. Pairing the fictional me with my idealized, fictional versions of real people I knew. Especially at work, because work was boring, I secretly pretended I had a crush on everybody, so as to figure out why someone else might do so - what's the best about this person? what might his admirers notice? Eventually I had no choice but to turn the affectionate and curious lens on myself, which was a whole separate revolution.
This process was good for my writing and, unexpectedly, for my state of mind. When I started seeking out what could be adored, my default mood began to soar. It was good, good, good.
All that aside, it's hard to get away with writing shit that makes it sound like you're actually in love with everybody and everybody's mom. When I started posting this stuff under my real name, I changed some names and omitted some pieces altogether, based on who I was afraid might eventually read it, and how weirded out I thought they might be.
That is one long-ass caveat. Anyway here is a little piece of lost history from six years ago; I think you will understand how I mean it:
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the perfect skull of Natalie
When I think of her it is always in the same tshirt, a poorly-rendered skull and crossbones with a fuckedup European phone number underneath. I think of this shirt because the skull is skull-sized and the crumminess with which it is drawn only makes her actual skull look more perfect. It’s the most perfect human skull I've ever seen walking around alive. You look at her talking and cannot keep the words for it out of your mind: cheekbone, jawbone, brow. Plus she has naturally smoky eyes and long lashes like you find on the most beautiful boys. Plus she has a wide wavy mouth and nostrils you could only call delicate. It is an impressive head altogether. I hope she knows these things, but no one ever does.
